So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
