i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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