Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
