i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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