watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
