i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
