he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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