who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
