I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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