I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
