please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
