Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
