My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize