honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
