My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
