Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
