I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
