i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
