I haven't been this sober since birth.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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