Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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