Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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