How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
