THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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