I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
