dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
