I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
