did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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