she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
