She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
