I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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