I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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