Non-Jews are for practice
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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