My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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