i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
