Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
