you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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