you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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