It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You pole danced in your parka.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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