We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize