omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
