so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
