Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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