Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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