I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i have two assholes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
