You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
