So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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