This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
