just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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