So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your penis caused this!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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