We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
