i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
