Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
