she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
