Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
