Welp...herpes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
