I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
