dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
