turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
