I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
