i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
