i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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