The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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